Some Things are Unforgivable

Weeks Five and Six of class are underway.  The texts for this week are below.  So far, I’ve only made it through the Sylvia Fraser book because it really wasn’t a book to which I could honestly relate, and it really took a lot of effort for me to work my way through it.  In hindsight, although it was probably a good thing I did read the Fraser book first, I really wish I could purge what I read from my mind.  I suspect that my post below really wasn’t what my professor had in mind (after all, I’m supposed to be discovering my inner servant-leader, my forgiving zen).

There is no way you can empathize with the trauma and horror, unless you yourself have been the victim of sexual abuse as a child.  1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will have experienced an episode of sexual abuse before the age of 18 (Botash, A. MD, Pediatric Annual, May, 1997).  Most children are abused by someone they know and trust, although boys are more likely than girls to be abused outside of the family.  A study in three states found 96% of reported rape survivors under age 12 knew the attacker. Four percent of the offenders were strangers, 20 percent were fathers, 16 percent were relatives and 50% were acquaintances or friends (Advocates for Youth, 1995).

OK – if you’re a parent (assuming you’re not in one of the categories listed in the paragraph above), those numbers should make you sick to your stomach.  If they don’t, well … there’s really not much I can do for you.  What is as terrifying as the numbers, is the fact that children are afraid to report the abuse because they fear angering the offender, or may blame themselves – "I’m afraid to complain because daddy won’t love me" (Fraser, p.9).  I’ve spent my entire parenting life teaching my kids that there is nothing, and I do mean nothing, that they should be afraid to tell me.  Ever.

Moving on from the fact that the abuse is so rarely reported, the effects of the abuse last well into adulthood.  Memory gaps and dissociative coping mechanisms (becoming numb, or taking on an alternate persona for example) are just a couple of the ways in which the victims cope with the abuse.  In Sylvia Fraser’s case, she developed a completely different identity into which she would retreat – an identity that stayed with her the rest of her life.

Now, this class is supposed to be about leadership, justice and forgiveness – call me closed-minded if you will, but I see zero possibility for restorative justice where the sexual abuse of a child occurs.  I see zero possibility of forgiveness – especially in cases where the abuser is entrusted with the well-being of the child (a parent, relative, guardian or older sibling).

Call me extreme, but in cases where the sexual abuse of a child has taken place, stick a needle in the offender’s arm, and good riddance.  That may sound barbaric to some of you, but as a society, are we not morally bound to protect children using any and all means at our disposal?


February 10, 2010  Tags: ,   Posted in: Gonzaga

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